Word aversion
We’re joining this church right? See there it is. I typed it and it’s out there and it says “church”. Queasiness.
Christianity is rough for those who didn’t drag it through the dirt on the back of bigot elephant mobiles. What we’re left with is this name and vocabulary used to describe very different things.Etymologist’s dream, practitioner’s nightmare.
The place we’re joining is UCC, open and affirming, and their motto is something about agreeing to disagree but uniting to serve. Which means we can yell at each other as long as we want just so long as we’re helping people. Which is pretty cool. But not like just charity, activism stuff. Which is weird I suppose being a Christian (there it is again, word nerves) and opposing these other people who wave around their big Cs (Christ, Church, Christian) like some sort of massive status symbol. It’s weird when we’re marching in the gay pride parade and the people on the other side say things like God (there’s another one) wants to protect heterosexual marriage or whatever. Like anybody could ever possibly know.
Heck I don’t know if what we’re doing is right. Maybe we’re reading it all wrong. But loving and accepting and helping each other and thanking whatever made us this way sure feels all good and nice.
But what you come out with is this word aversion. I’m really proud we’re becoming members next Sunday because it’s a place that does a whole lot of good and changes a whole lot of lives. But you know, it’s hard to tell people about it without feeling all righteous sounding or alienating or whatever.
Stupid elephants.
(originally published on Tumblr, reblogged for posterity)
Filed under Uncategorized | Comment (0)Hygiene
Over time I’ve noticed that the one thing which usually keeps me from spinning off into crazyfaceville is some sort of creative outlet, exercised regularly. It’s like mind sweat. Especially in law school where there isn’t a whole lot of room for much beyond logic and rote memorization, you just have to balance it out with something. Otherwise I end up like a dude who does waaaaay too many bench presses and ends up having a huge upper torso and itty bitty legs. At least I imagine a person like that would get bitchy and off-kilter feeling about it eventually.
It’s a mental Neti pot, pour in some ideas, get that gunk out that you’ve been trying to blow but can’t quite dislodge it. So I’ve never used a Neti pot and it’s kind of apparent. Whatever. The idea of giving myself pool-nose deliberately wiggs me out. Whatever. Art, music, dancing, writing; anything that scratches the itch for a bit. Helps to come out with something tangible. That’s sorta my theory on the influx of blogs. Non-creative jobs leading people to need a left-brain mental treadmill after a day of repetitive keyboard-banging.
The other hygiene thing that I gotta do is give. Spending all my time devoted to personal goals and ambitions is awkward for me. I just start feeling like crap. Like my world’s getting itty-bitty. Maybe more jogging would help with it. But physically helping someone does the appreciation/perspective bit that gets lost while in school spending all this money. Since the semester started, there hasn’t been much time to give, and it’s been sated a bit through texting cash to Haiti or picking up stuff for the homeless from the drug store. But it’s not like face-to-face stuff. I met a girl at our church membership group who was diagnosed with MS at age 25, has a kid, is confined to a wheelchair now but she has so much energy about trying to find faith and stuff she’s never had before even though life has just handed her a big fat pile of poo.
But it just sorta reminds me that there are a lot of people out there trying to make it with not even an eighth of all the stuff I have and if they had just a few things–car rides, shelters, food, clothing, mentors, adequate legal advice, it could really change their lives. There are a lot of opportunities with nonprofits and organizations that need law help. Like domestic abuse, immigration, civil rights stuff. This is what it’s about. Directly helping people and hopefully changing the system someday to make life suck a bit less. But for now all I’ve got time for is the gum-as-a-meal-substitute system of giving. Doing little stuff until there’s sufficient time to go help face to face. Never enough with all the need around. But ya always worry about whether you’re steering wrong. Law is high stakes shit, especially to people who couldn’t afford it otherwise. Having somebody rely on that so much is gonna take way bigger cajones then I have right now.
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